vice visceral

It always amazes me how tiny little occurrences make you think of the most obscure things.

For example, there's this shampoo that my mom just bought that I used to use about a year ago. Since I took a shower in her bathroom today I was walking about smelling this shampoo (Aussie something or other) that brought back so many memories. All of the sudden I was starting at QCC all over again, I was in writing class, I was getting my first tattoo.

One of my best guy friends uses the same soap/cologne/body mumbojumbo as one of my ex boyfriends. It's very distracting to me whenever it wafts up. I wonder why I kept toting my phone around while we were on vacation even though everyone I would've wanted to speak to was in the room with me. I have these nasty little habits that I can't seem to shake.

Whenever my phone buzzes at 4AM it still makes my heart drop because I have so many bad memories tied to it. There are so many bits of emotional baggage that stay with you I guess, and my fear is that they'll start to add up and anchor me down. I don't think it's healthy to be bummed out about the way your hair smells (unless it truly smells heinous lol)

So I need to make new memories, I need to put my phone on silent and I need to free my mind. I'm not gonna let that shit have a hold on me anymore, mostly because my life is pretty much amazing at the moment. Far be it for stupid little straight ex-boys to have any part of it, even if it's just in my head.

I do wish my conscious mind could have these lightbulb moments in hours that are considerate of my work schedule, but I'm thankful for them anyway.

It's 5AM now and this newly liberated girl would rather paint on her walls than crawl back into bed and sleep.

There's a cat outside that's meowing every couple of seconds, I'm grateful for the company, but repetitive things make me sleepy.

I'm realizing now how crazy I sound lol. Gnight.